like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
