I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
In America we eat man semen.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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