where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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