Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
