you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize