I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
