she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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