How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
