I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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