arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
