Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
