now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just googled if crying burns calories
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
