He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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