I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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