so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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