Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
