How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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