I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
