in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
