You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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