I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
