Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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