porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
