Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
