why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
