Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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