i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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