Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
