You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
