last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
