I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
