Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
