So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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