Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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