You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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