What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
