Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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