She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
