Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
