I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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