I think my vagina is haunted
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
