But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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