I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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