The beer is more important than you right now.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I love you. Go after that dick
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
