remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
