Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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