I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
