He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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