I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
