they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
