Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
