I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
