I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
