why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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