Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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