Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
