U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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