my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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