Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just cut my nipple shaving
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
