my sisters under your porch take her home
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
