I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
