I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
