Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
