All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Jerry, you need to find god
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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