no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
