Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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