we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
