for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
false alarm, still single
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
