Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
