Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
