I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Boobs speak an international language.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
