I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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