dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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