There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
